Trips Home
by Handlebar
Summary: Formerly "By The Mirror, Looking Sharp" now a WIP. Kurtofsky. After a year out of High School, everything seems like it happened a million years ago.
1. By the mirror, Looking sharp

**A/N: Spoilers for Never Been Kissed, but written before watching The Substitute, which adds a few new issues to Kurt & Karofsky's 'relationship'.**

* * *

It's the seventh Lady Gaga song Kurt's iPod has played now, and he can't stand her anymore. Actually, he corrects himself, I can stand Gaga every day, all the time, just not now. Not for a little while. He's been trying to distract himself for hours with everything he could think of: homework, music, chatroulette, reruns of Moonlighting, Bejewel'd. He even asks his father if he needs help with anything and is met with an uninterested "Not really" from him.

So that's it, he has no choice but to think about the one thing he'd like to forget for the rest of his life; he has to think about Karofsky. About how he tasted weird and smelled surprisingly good, and about how he had wanted to keep going. And that it hadn't been horrible. But so what if that's the case? He still doesn't find Karofsky attractive, or endearing, or likeable at all, he still felt violated at the time and he still got bullied by Karofsky himself the very next day.

It's not that he wants to think about these things, about how would it be if Karofsky had been Blaine, or if Karofsky was actually a nice guy at least. He's sick of thinking about those things all the time, before going to bed, in the shower, in class, when he's texting Blaine. He's tired and exhausted but he can't stop. He cried once from frustration when he caught himself getting progressively angry remembering the scene, and then started to laugh at how ridiculous that must've looked from the outside. But now he doesn't cry, he just rests his head on his pillow and looks at the ceiling and hopes he'll fall asleep soon.

* * *

He can feel it, he's about to have a panic attack. It's like there's a light - a really disturbing light - growing inside his chest, his hands are tightening into fists and he's losing his breath. He has to open a window, there has to be a window for him to open, somewhere.

"What're you doing, homo?"

Kurt doesn't even pretend he can answer that, he just rolls down the window by his seat and takes a deep breath. Maybe if he calms down he can get over the fact that he is stuck in a minivan with Principal Figgins, his new assistant driver and Karofsky for the next five hours. Both Kurt and Karofsky were singled out from the Cheerio and Football buses respectively for causing trouble on the way to the state finals. Kurt got in a hair-pulling struggle with Santana that escalated ridiculously after she said all gay guys want to be like her. Kurt doesn't know what Karofsky did, nor does he want to, but they are both sitting on the back of the minivan, right next to each other, while Principal Figgins chats with his driver about the Lost finale and the new Paranormal Activity movie.

Suddenly, Karofsky lunges above Kurt and starts to roll the window back up. Kurt is so shocked by the unexpected invasion of his personal space that he instinctively pushes him back, immediately realizing his mistake. As much as he would've liked to not have pushed him, he did, so he tries to say something that will match the attitude, but instead he just yells "What're you _DOING_?" in his highest-pitched voice yet.

"I'm closing the window, gayboy, why, you gotta problem with that?" Karofsky says, closing the distance between them. Kurt's heart races too fast for him to be able to say anything so he decides to let Karofsky win this one, just this one.

"Alright, but can I please breathe some air before I roll it back up?" he says, looking at his knees and his clenched fists.

"No, roll it up _now_, fairy!"

"Boys, if you keep interrupting my retelling of Jack's sacrifice I'm going to suspend you both so keep it quiet back there!" Principal Figgins yells from the front seat.

Kurt seizes the chance to breathe a little air and then rolls the window back up, just in case. He then puts his headphones on and plays the Rent soundtrack for twenty minutes before falling asleep.

Kurt wakes up and sees Karofsky looking at him, then immediately looking away. Kurt hates to think the kind of prank he could've received while asleep, so he looks at himself in the back of his iPod but finds nothing wrong, except maybe his hair.

At one point Principal Figgins starts snoring, which makes both Karofsky and Kurt laugh at the same time and then stop abruptly.

* * *

Prom goes well, actually, better than expected. No slushies, bullies are drunk and busy with each other, Kurt gets to dance with his friends. The only thing peculiar was when he went to the bathroom, opened the stall door and found a drunk Karofsky sitting on the closed toilet.

"Sorry, didn't see you," Kurt says, hoping to avoid any interaction.

"Hummel?" Karofsky asks, but Kurt doesn't reply, he's already in a different stall, "are you going to pee? I'll wait for you. It's okay dude, I'm not gonna punch you or anything. Just do your thing, let me know when you're done, 'k? I'm here. By the mirror. Looking sharp." he chuckles to himself.

Kurt takes as long as possible in his stall, hoping Karofsky will either pass out or leave, but none happen, and he has to eventually come out, so he does.

Karofsky's there, looking at himself in the mirror, apparently checking his eyeballs. As soon as Kurt comes out of the stall, he spins around in one foot and smiles at him.

"Hey, Kurt, what's up?" Kurt can't tell because he's drunk, but it seems like Karofsky's... trying to make small talk with him.

"I'm fine, did you want to say something to me, Karofsky?"

Karofsky takes a second before mumbling his reply, "I'm, um... High School you know? It's... it's over... and... yeah."

"Yes?"

"I guess... I'm gonna miss you. That's all."

"Well, I'm not going to miss you. At all," Kurt says and leaves the bathroom.

The rest of the night goes in slow motion, music, dancing, singing, friends and a ride home.

* * *

The fourth month of college he gets a Facebook message from Dave Karofsky, the subject says "hey".

Kurt stares at his laptop screen for two minutes before deleting the message without reading it.

* * *

Kurt's back home for the summer, and it already feels like High School was a million years ago. It's just him, Burt and Carole; Finn went to Mexico with Rachel. His father constantly asks him if he has a boyfriend and Kurt skillfully avoids answering the question, not because he does have one and he doesn't want to bring him home, but because he had one and it's over and he'd really rather not talk about the whole subject.

He calls Mercedes and they decide to try going dancing to the only gay club in Lima, Somewhere in Time, cheesy name, cheesy music, sounds perfect.

At first he thinks he's just confused, but after a second look, he realizes Dave Karofsky is at the bar watching the strip show. Their eyes meet once on the dance floor and Karofsky raises his whiskey glass to him and smiles as a salute of sorts. Kurt spends the next hour trying to figure out if that situation brought him back to High School too rough or if he's actually happy for Karofsky now that he's fine. Sure, he'd been a horrible bully to him, but that was a million years ago, remember?

* * *

When Kurt gets home he's pretty drunk, so he decides that before going to bed, it would be best to check his e-mail, check for new Britney leaks, etcetera, etcetera. There's a new message from Dave Karofsky on his Facebook inbox. The subject line reads "so good to see you" this time Kurt opens the e-mail and read it completely, surprised by the lack of spelling mistakes.

"I'd really like to catch up with you, talk for a while, there are things I have to tell you in person." The e-mail reads, "It was kinda crazy seeing you there, did you recognize me? It's Dave Karofsky, from high school. Anyway, if you want you can call me tomorrow and we'll find a place to get together," then he had typed down his cell phone, "Please don't ignore this e-mail" was the final line.

* * *

Dave Karofsky looks so weird. He has a moustache. He's wearing a lumberjack shirt with a baseball cap. Kurt doesn't even want to think about it, but he knows that the first time he saw him like that he immediately thought of Burt. This is something he could try talking about in therapy if he ever decides to get some.

He's sitting on a bench at a park that's about two blocks away from Burt's, the sun is about to settle, and he's there, drinking Coke out of a can. He smiles when he sees Kurt, his body language shows off he is nervous, though. At first Kurt doesn't really know what to say or do, he just sits down next to him and they make small talk about their lives. Turns out Azimio (someone Kurt forgot existed) has been working as a car mechanic in Akron and they barely see each other anymore. As for everyone else, they're all in college and he... well, let's say his Hockey skills weren't scholarship-worthy.

Just as the trees start to make shadows over their faces, Kurt decides he wants to ask a big question.

"So, when did you come out?"

Karofsky looks at his hands nervously before answering quietly, "four months ago."

Four months? That's it? Kurt thinks instantly but then remembers High School wasn't a million years ago, but actually just one year ago.

"I, um..." Karofsky continues, "I'd been alone in this shithole for more than half a year, working at the gas station outside of town, and I guess I sort of got depressed. Then I got angry, like, _again_." He looks at Kurt in the eye when he says it, as if he understands what Karofsky's talking about.

"I was, um... Kurt, uh, one of the things I said I have to tell you is that I'm sorry."

"That's okay, I-"

"No, Kurt, I-I really am. I think about it all the time, and I just... I really regret the way I treated you, I used to shove you against the lockers for no reason other than... I don't know, it was kind of a power trip, I guess? I don't know, I've gone through it a million times in my head, and I just can't find a way to excuse myself. Wow, now I sound like a creep."

"No, Karofsky, don't. I mean, I'm over it now, but... it still means a lot."

"I'm also sorry that I think about you all the time," Karofsky adds with a nervous laughter, but if there's a joke in there, Kurt doesn't seem to hear it.

Karofsky notices Kurt's face and tries to fix it, "I meant that I think about how I was a horrible bully to you and everyone all the time and you know, that sounded like I think about you in particular all the time, which I don't. Not really."

Kurt makes an 'oooooh' face but doesn't make any sound and soon enough they're both laughing.

* * *

After it gets dark, Karofsky offers to continue the conversation at a bar. It's a small place downtown, and it's pretty empty for a summer Saturday. Kurt asks for a diet coke but Karofsky insists that he's paying so he can pick whatever he wants. He still goes with the diet coke, while Karofsky gets a beer.

They sit down facing each other by the window, but none of them can remember what they were talking about before they got in, so they both start chuckling. When they're done, Karofsky breathes and raises his beer as if to propose a toast. Kurt doesn't really know what to do so he half-heartedly raises his glass without breaking eye contact with him.

"I'm really glad we were able to... do this," he says, and before they bump their drinks, Kurt notices the hint of closure in his expression. Karofsky is sure that they will never meet again like this, and it's funny because that's what Kurt thought when he first arrived at the park, but now... he doesn't know what he's really thinking about, but maybe they could meet like this in the summer? It feels good to finally know someone back home who's going or went through the same things he did.

"Karofsky-" Kurt stops himself, it would feel more appropriate to say "-Dave, can I ask you how you came out?"

Karofsky picks up a handful of peanuts and starts playing with them. "I haven't done it completely yet."

"Oh, I thought..."

"No, I did, I mean, to myself. And I have a few friends who know. I guess you could call them friends. But... yeah, my parents don't know. I don't think I'll ever be able to tell them. My dad... he wouldn't be able to deal with it. And I don't think I can afford to move out yet if I get kicked out of my house."

"I understand, it's... it's not easy. But you have to do it one day."

"I don't know... I think it'd be too much..."

"Think about it like this, if you don't there will be a time when you'll regret it, and that is when you can't do it anymore, even if you wanted to."

"You sound like my mother," Karofsky says and grins while eating a peanut.

"Shut up, Karofsky." Kurt admits that sometimes he does sound like a mom, but he can't help it.

"Anyway, to answer your question," Karofsky clears his throat before continuing, "I mean, to me... I know it sounds like a stupid excuse but it was harder for me because... God, why did I even say 'harder'? I just... I thought it would go away. I thought, hey, I'm fourteen, this is normal, I don't need to freak out over this. Like all of a sudden I'd stop jerking off thinking about football players. But I didn't, so I thought I couldn't... I wouldn't do it ever because it was just a sexual thing. Like, all I could think about was meaningless sex and anonymous blowjobs and stuff like that, but that was because I only thought about it when I wanted to...you know, when I was jerking off." Karofsky picks a peanut from his left hand and eats it. "And... this is a stupid story, okay? But I got really into Mad Men over Christmas, I bought every season on DVD and started watching it and... I don't know when exactly it happened, but I was watching either the big reveal of the closeted gay character or the part where he rejects an invitation with another dude and he nearly starts to cry. And I kind of thought, like, 'I don't wanna be that dude', you know? And so, I don't know, that was in like, February, I think? I had just lost contact with everyone from school so it was a Friday night and I got all dressed up, I put on my nicest shirt and cologne and even my best underwear and everything and just walked up to Somewhere in Time." At this point Dave's face is completely red and he's interrupting himself with nervous laughter. "I was inside for, like, twenty minutes before I ran back home. But it felt right, you know? I was scared but it felt... God, listen to me, I'm sorry you had to hear this, man."

"It was a charming story, Dave," Kurt says in his nicest voice. Dave shrugs his shoulders, still red and looks at Kurt in the eye. He doesn't break eye contact while he downs the rest of his beer. He puts the bottle down and licks the last drop out of his moustache.

"You really should shave that thing off, it's not good for you at all."

"Really? I think I look sharp. Kind of like Tom Selleck."

"First of all, you wish your whiskers were that thick, and second of all, Tom Selleck is a douchebag and you'd look much better without it."

"Okay... should I do it for me or should I do it because you told me to?" he laughs.

"You should do it for the good of mankind and cheesy porn stars of the 70's."

They both laugh.

* * *

This feels like a date. That's wrong, he doesn't find Dave Karofsky attractive or charming or cute. Maybe he's a little cute _now_ that he blushes half the time but that's simply not enough. Dave Karofsky is the same guy who used to bruise him in school, and just because he's found closure on that time of his life doesn't mean he gets a free pass in Kurt's book. And he's still big and balding and has an awful moustache. Awful, awful moustache.

But! He does still smell nice.

Kurt pulls over in front of Dave's house and says "we're here," which wakes Dave up.

"Uh? Oh God, did I drool?"

"If you did I wouldn't tell me about it." Dave had had a few more beers while they were at the bar and he'd gone from shy to really open in forty minutes. Kurt heard all about his last year and it wasn't interesting at all, but somehow, he remained interested. Incidentally, they found a common ground in cars, not that Kurt was that into them but he couldn't help knowing more than the average person because of his father. At one point in the night, Mercedes texted him to ask if he was okay, and he texted back with Peachy.

"Well, I'm sorry I fell asleep. And about the other things I did in High School too. Wait, I already said I was sorry for that, right? Jesus, I'm blowing it already."

"It's okay, Dave, I had a nice time, maybe we can do it again next year," Kurt gives his most sincere smile and watches the transformation in Dave's face. At first he's embarrassed and grinning but he slowly moves to confused, realization, then disappointment. He puts a hand on his moustache almost instantly, as if he had done something wrong with it.

"Okay, wait, um... I'll shave this off, that's first. I mean, not now. Whatever. Kurt. Yes. There's one more thing I have to tell you that I've been, um, putting off." Alarm bells ring in Kurt's head, what seemed like a nice closure talk amongst tormentor and tormented seems to be going in the direction of sex and wow, that's not a good idea! Not at all! Is Dave getting closer? Is Kurt's hair alright? Dammit, how to find a mirror without looking like a desperate idiot... what is he even thinking about? No. He's going to tell Dave that even though he's cute and he no longer holds a grudge against him, it's just not going to work out.

"I haven't said I'm sorry for forcing myself on you in the locker room yet. There, I said it."

Kurt tries to hide his face, his embarrassment, himself desperately. What was he thinking? This is Karofsky, he's trying to make amends but he's still violent, what happens when, for example, he can't pay the rent? Does he punch a hole in the wall? No, Kurt, Karofsky's proven himself to be civil, even if it's just for one night, that counts, _and_ Kurt's forgiven him. Okay, so maybe it's not that easy, you can't just say 'I forgive you' and expect things to change magically but... he really should say something, it's too quiet in the car.

"Thank you, Karofsky," he says in almost a whisper.

"So... will I see you next summer? Or are you staying for a few days? Maybe we can hang out or something. We could have another date. Not that this was a date. But it was kind of like date, right?" he says, laughing.

"Yeah, kind of." Kurt loosens up and smiles. A little.

"So? Can I see you? I promise I'll shave."

"That's fine, Karofsky, but I am going back to college on Monday, and I have a family Sunday tomorrow... so I guess it'll have to be next year."

"Really? Okay. Okay, it's fine," he opens the door and puts one leg out, "but in the meantime, if I send you a Facebook message with a stupid Youtube link, will you reply?"

"Fine, I will."

Karofsky gets out of the car and closes the door, then he taps on the glass. Kurt rolls down the window and Karofsky gets his face inside the car again. "One more thing: all day, I've been wanting to kiss you and I didn't try or ask or anything. I just wanted to say that. I'm not gonna ask now, don't worry, but I thought you should know."

"Well, now I know."

"Yeah. Take care, Kurt."

"You too, Dave."


	2. Smell Your Hands

**A/N: I got a few new ideas so I wrote a little more for this fic. If I get more I'll write more. I changed the name and put the original name as the title of the first chapter, but I don't know if it's working.**

* * *

Kurt gets an e-mail with a stupid youtube link. It's a guy who's dubbed his cat's meows as if it were talking. It's pretty funny. It's also really cute.

* * *

At one point in November, Kurt realizes he's been dating someone for two months, and that he should probably acknowledge the fact that he has a boyfriend. He takes out his phone and types with his thumbs: "_are we a couple?_"

He takes a second to press the Send button.

Four minutes later, Kurt catches himself wondering what would happen if he never got an answer. Maybe he was crossing the street without noticing the changing streetlight, and just as he was about to check that new message from his potential boyfriend Kurt Hummel, he got hit by a bus. And he's dead. And he'll never answer the phone. Kurt'd feel bad about it, he'd go to the burial but stay in the back, crying a single guilty tear. 'Yes, we were a couple' he'd say to the fresh patch of dirt covering his dead lover 'and I loved you'.

His phone buzzes.

It's the guy, the text reads "_Why?_"

* * *

He has plans for Christmas, those plans include a back-to-back viewing of _Mommy Dearest_, _Postcards From The Edge_ and _Whatever Happened To Baby Jane?_ with his gay floor mates. It is going to be a night of amazing acting, tears and live, on-the-spot lip-syncing of every dialogue in every movie. It's nights like that particular one that help you understand that even though there are some people who prefer to think Avatar was a good movie, a small amount of us know better.

This is the first Christmas - or any night of his life for that matter - that he'll spend doing gay things with gay boys. This is important. He loves his Dad, and he loves Carole, too... and he loves Finn (not like that anymore) and maybe Rachel as well, but none of them - except maybe Rachel? Actually, she'd fit into his group of friends like... like a Jewish girl in a gay group of friends.

Either way it's not going to happen. The Christmas night marathon, that is, letting Rachel into his gay group of friends is still negotiable. The Christmas night marathon is not going to happen because Kurt just got a phone call from his dad informing him that two days ago, Carole went into premature labor, and now everyone's fine and he has a little brother called Harry.

Everything would be fine if it wasn't for the fact that they want everyone in the family to be around for the Christmas picture with the baby. And Kurt would be lying if he didn't admit he's excited about meeting the little brat.

* * *

Finn picks him up at the airport and greets him with a huge hug. Longer than Kurt had expected. "I'm so glad you're here, Mom and Rachel are driving me nuts," he says. Kurt just smiles and nods.

At first sight, the baby is gorgeous, a tiny person that can only do cute things. On a second look, he makes Kurt nervous. It's like it's always about to break into little pieces from so much love, and at the same time if he looks at him for too long, he starts to look like a tiny _old_ person, which is kind of gross.

Actually, it turns out the whole baby situation makes Kurt really uncomfortable. Burt's a ball of joy that's running around the house doing everything for everyone, while Carole tells him to calm down. Rachel keeps trying to engage Carole in any possible way, but every time she tries to start a conversation, Carole derails it with infallible tricks like breastfeeding time or asking Burt to calm down, which always makes Burt react by getting even more anxious. On top of that, every time Finn tries to pick up the baby, Carole gives Kurt a look that says "take my son away from him please" quite loudly.

So right after the picture's taken, Kurt puts his cardigan away (because there is no way he's getting snow on his cardigan), puts a coat on and pretends he's forgotten to buy something for dinner and really, he'll be right back, there's no problem.

He drives out just as Finn opens the door to go with him.

* * *

The supermarket speakers are playing Wham!'s _Last Christmas_, and Kurt is standing in the Ten-Items-Or-Less line, holding a pair of cheap Snoopy socks for Harry and singing along with George Michael when he spots someone looking at him from a different line. It's Karofsky. With all the excitement over the baby Kurt forgot Karofsky was in town, and now he feels guilty for not letting him know. Kurt raises his hand and smiles, but Karofsky just nods at him, then motions to his left, his father is standing next to him with a shopping cart.

"How are you?" Karofsky mouths without making any sound.

Kurt doesn't really know what to do, so he awkwardly lifts his right thumb. Karofsky chuckles. He shaved! It really does look better now. Kurt touches his upper lip with his hand to mention it, but Karofsky seems to think he has something on his face, so he starts wiping it with his hand. Kurt tries to change his motion to something that wants to look like shaving but instead looks like 'smell your hands', and Karofsky's father notices something, so Kurt has to face the line again and what do you know! He's next! It'll just be these lovely socks, they're for my newborn brother! Yes, well he has big feet for a newborn! Yes, he's a size 7! Okay, they're for me.

* * *

Christmas isn't chaotic or terrible, it's actually calm and adorable and there are moments throughout the night that make Kurt kind of want to cry, like Rachel singing a lullaby to the baby, Burt falling asleep before midnight, and especially sitting at the dinner table and taking a second to look at everyone eating in silence.

Kurt agrees now that watching a bunch of diva movies would probably have been a lame Christmas.

* * *

Finn has a friend, a Facebook friend, a Facebook friend _from High School_ - most of Finn's life still revolves around that time - that's throwing a party at his parent's house, so he's driving Kurt and Rachel there. The radio's broken so they drive in silence, with only the sound of the air conditioner while Finn looks for the right house.

"We should go back home," Kurt says after a while, "you clearly don't know where the house is, and besides, none of us want to get together with people from High School, right?"

"Kurt has a point," Rachel says and looks at Finn, who's not even bothering to pay attention to them and is still looking for the house.

"Yeah, maybe," he says, before realizing what he means "wait, what? No! We're going, I'm not spending Christmas night at home with a crying baby and my mom going crazy."

"She's not going crazy, Finn," Rachel replies matter-of-factly.

"Yes, she is, have you seen the way she gets when I try to hold the baby? It's like she thinks I'm going to drop him or something."

"Didn't you almost drop him before I got here?"

"What? Who told you that?"

"Carole."

"Yeah, well, that wasn't my fault, she wouldn't let go of the baby while handing him to me! I was scared we were going to break one of his tiny bones! You know, baby bones are not fully developed yet. And anyway, I don't want to discuss this anymore, we're on the right street, we just need to find the place with the people vomiting on the front yard."

And just as he says that, they see one lonely guy with a reindeer knit sweater on and a red paper glass on his hand throwing up by the bushes.

"Here we are."

* * *

It turns out half the party is still in High School, much to Rachel's dismay. She immediately starts taking cups away from people and lecturing them on underage drinking before she gets dragged out of the house by two jocks. Finn tries to stop them because they recognize him, but his efforts are futile.

Kurt, on the other hand, gets out of the way and out of reach from Finn and Rachel as fast as he can. He decides to look around and see if he knows anyone, but after two minutes of puking teenagers, homophobic jokes and a general 'this isn't a safe place' feeling, he retreats to the empty backyard. Gosh, it's freezing outside.

Actually, maybe he'll get a drink and _then_ leave.

The trip to the kitchen is safe, nobody engages him, and there's a girl who recognizes him from his time at the Cheerios and compliments his cardigan. He smiles back and grabs a cup; he manages to fix a half-decent gin tonic with a slice of lemon (for an underage party, there sure is a lot of alcohol) before aiming to the front door. He's about to open it when he gets a text message. It's Finn.

_we bolted, should we come back n pick u up?_

_YES, YOU JERK_

_k wait 4 us at the front door_

No way, Baby-Whisperer. Kurt decides to stay inside the house by the window and check on Facebook while he waits. He has 4 unread messages already, from Mercedes, Artie, Brittany and... the guy. The subject line reads "miss you!".

He looks at the list of messages for a second, trying to decide which one to read first. He knows Artie's will have a great animated gif from something like America's Next Top Model but maybe he should open the one from the guy. He owes it to him. Kind of. It's a weird subject line, anyway, what does he mean by "miss you!"? Honestly, he could've just put "Merry Christmas!" or "Happy Holidays". Ugh, he hates having to think about this kind of stuff.

Just as he is about to open Brittany's first, a chat message pops up.

It's Karofsky.

_hey, merry christmas!_

Funny.

_hey! u 2!_

_how is it going at home?_

_fine! im at a party rn_

_really? where? i'm dying to get out of here_  
_wait, why are you on facebook?_

_its full of hs kids, finns picking me up now_

_hahaha ok_  
_guess i'm gonna go watch an episode of walking dead and go to bed then_

_sounds fun!_

_unless_  
_do you wanna go to a bar near my house?_  
_the one we went last summer, remember?_

_idk, n do what?_

_its better than staying home watching walking dead torrents?_

_k y not_

_awesome!_  
_i'll text you the address_  
_wait, what's your phone #?_

_5497227_  
_is it ok if i bring finn n rachel along?_

Karofsky doesn't reply. He's about to ask again when he hears someone knocking on the window. It's Rachel. He puts the phone back in his pocket and carefully takes his drink outside with him. Rachel apologizes for leaving them behind, she had (unsurprisingly) thrown a fit about the whole jock scene and wanted to go back home so badly they had forgotten about him. Inside the car, Finn repeats the whole story to him, leaving out the part that she had been the one to throw the fit.

Kurt's phone beeps.

"Oh, is it Mercedes? Tell her I say congratulations on the City Hall concert!" Rachel beams.

_St James Tavern its on 1057 E 4th Street. Sure bring them no prob_

"It's not Mercedes. Hey, guys..." he stops to think about what he's going to say. Can he really say 'Dave Karofsky says he'll meet us at a bar a mile from here'? How does he explain himself without outing Karofsky? Because really, it's not his place to do something like... gosh, _whatever_ "...Dave Karofsky from High School says he'll meet us at a bar about a mile from here, do you want to go? If not it's fine, you can just drop me off there."

Both Finn and Rachel look at each other in silence.

"Did you just say Dave Karofsky? The guy who used to slushie us in High School? You want to meet him? In the middle of the night? Alone?" Finn's voice goes a higher pitch with each question.

"Yeah, uh, remember last summer, I spent a week home? Well, he apologized to me for that and... turned out to be... nice..."

"Really? Karofsky?" Finn asks.

"I know! If you go, I bet he'll apologize to you, too, I'm sure."

"I don't know, Kurt..." Rachel looks at him in the eye and then back at Finn, "I was kinda hoping to get back home after what happened..."

"Yeah, maybe we should just go home and watch a movie or something."

"Look, you guys are being really cute with this whole 'let's take care of Kurt' thing, but trust me, I don't want to go back home and hear you two moan through one wall and Burt and Carole from the other one, so this is my best option, and I'll take it."

"I don't _moan_! Do I moan?" Rachel asks.

"Like the Triceratops that was agonizing in Jurassic Park."

* * *

In the end, Karofsky just waves at Finn & Rachel from inside the bar, and they wave back awkwardly.

Karofsky's wearing a grey GAP sweater and a pair of jeans. He smells like chocolate, Kurt notices when they hug. Karofsky kind of initiated it, but Kurt didn't want to deny a guy a hug on Christmas.

"So what are you doing in Lima for the holidays?"

"I, um, I have a new little brother."

"Really? That's amazing!" Karofsky looks genuinely excited. "Wow, that's just... wow."

"You're more excited about it than I was."

"Yeah," he laughs, "I get excited really easily about stuff like that. I used to be really secretive about it before but now I'm just like 'fuck it'."

"That sounds interesting."

"It really isn't."

* * *

After an hour or so of catching up, both Kurt and Karofsky have had a bit more than enough to drink. Kurt finds out specifically when he gets up to go to the bathroom and the room spins a little. After a few seconds he's fine, although Karofsky checks twice before he leaves and for a moment it seems like he tried to take Kurt's hand or something but didn't because it'd be awkward.

The conversation has been kind of awkward actually, besides talking about their boring jobs, they've moved from Kurt's baby brother to former lovers. Karofsky told him the story the first guy he went on a date with and Kurt told him about Blaine during High School. "I never liked that guy," Karofsky said. Kurt told him Blaine was actually a great guy who tried to help him come out during High School, and that it was Karofsky who attacked him.

"Yeah, I know, I'm an asshole."

"You're not an asshole."

God, the bathroom in this place smells awful, and the floor is wet and brown, can't straight men aim correctly at the toilet? Kurt walks inside the only stall and closes the door. A few seconds later he hears the bathroom door open and someone unzip at a urinal, followed by a quiet moan of relief. He zips up and flushes, and when he opens the door he sees Karofsky at a urinal in the tiny bathroom. He tries really hard not to look, but he does.

"Hey, sorry for leaving our stuff alone, it's cool, I've done it before and nothing happens," but Kurt can't concentrate enough to reply. He's drunk and he should just wash his hands and wait for Karofsky at the table.

That would have been a good plan if Karofsky hadn't been done already and washing his hands with him. They're sharing a sink, elbows touching, eyes meeting at the mirror occasionally before nervously looking away. The worst part is Kurt doesn't know if he's leaning against Karofsky or it's the other way around, or if it's just because they're drunk and dizzy.

For some reason it all takes way longer than it normally would, so when they're about to leave, Karofsky opens the swinging door for Kurt with one arm and motions for him to go first.

"After you."

Kurt looks at Karofsky in the eye before taking a step forward and stopping, although he's not sure why he does any of it. Karofsky closes the door a little and his arm ends up above Kurt's shoulder, and then time stops. He can't even hear the music from the bar anymore, he can just see Karofsky and for some reason he can't stop thinking about his first date and how it was with someone he met at a gay bar and not someone he just met in his life, like him, and how different it would be if maybe Kurt dated Karofsky, at least once, to see, who knows, maybe he will, maybe not, he'll think about it when he-

Kurt stops again. Karofsky's really close now, he can feel his breath on his own face. Karofsky's hand is caressing Kurt's arm and it feels nice, it feels warm, he could stay like this for a while, feeling Karofsky breathe, maybe just an inch closer, maybe with his eyes closed, maybe kissing him, maybe pressing his body against him. His long arms surround Kurt's shoulders and he feels a little trapped, but it also feels good, like a hug. Karofsky's really good at kissing, too.

Like when they were washing their hands, the kiss takes so long to finish that they both end up confused as to what they were about to do before they started making out. Karofsky doesn't really seem to care, he just hugs Kurt with one arm really tight and smiles. Kurt smiles, too, he can't help it.

"Let's get another drink."

* * *

Kurt tries not to think about it, because if he thinks about it, he'll talk about it, and, surprisingly, they haven't done that yet. Not that they really need to talk about it, they are happily remembering in their drunk stupor the time they had to travel with principal Figgins to some football game. They exchange looks every now and then, looks that seem to say that Dave is thinking about it, thinking about where they are going to go after they have nothing left to talk about; thinking about what they are going to talk about, if they are going to mention the first time they kissed back in school.

Karofsky gets back from the bar and closes his wallet before putting it back in his jean's back pocket. It takes a few seconds of concentration for Kurt to ask if he had actually paid for all the drinks, and Karofsky waves him off, grabbing his coat and motioning for the door. Kurt repeats the question, but again, Karofsky's busy putting on his GAP sweater and showing a little bit of his belly from under his flannel shirt while doing it. Oh, great, and now Kurt is thinking about it. He wasn't doing that, remember! No thinking about kissing Karofsky and-whoa, standing up was a bad idea.

Kurt stumbles and almost trips on Karofsky's shoe, almost falling on him, if it wasn't because Karofsky is actually paying attention and catches him before he does. Kurt ignores his embarrassment with incredible ease and turns around to get his own coat. He ignores Karofsky's chuckles as well and follows him outside.

"You drive an '84 Chevette?" Kurt says surprised at the sight of what looked like the last Chevette on Earth, white, with scratches and driven by as many people as possible in thirty years.

"What's so weird about that?" Karofsky says offended.

"Oh... nothing... I just, I pictured you as a trucker type..."

"Oh, I'd love to, actually."

"Really?" Kurt says, leaning on the door beside Karofsky. Is he being flirty? Actually, the question should be, is it working? Kurt feels like he might be doing that face he does when he thinks he's smiling but he actually looks like he's having an anxiety attack.

"Yeah, I guess..." Karofsky laughs a little and opens the door.

"Wait, what are you doing?"

"Gettin' into the car?"

"You can't drive like this, Karofsky."

"Don't call me Karofsky."

Kurt pauses for a second, "Have I been calling you Karofsky all night?"

"You have, it's OK, though, I mean, I don't know... I'm lying inside my car with my legs sticking out the passenger door and I can't get up, dude... I don't know _what_ I'm doing."

"Well, you're not driving home."

"You can't drive, though, you'll break my car."

"Excuse me? I know more about cars than you know about flannel shirts, so I think I could drive this one better than you. If I was sober, which I'm not. Nobody's driving tonight, we'll go inside and call for a cab."

"Hnnnnnnnggg..." Karofsky groan loudly while sitting up, "on Christmas? Forget it." He grabs the passenger seat for support and then extends his left hand, "help me out."

Kurt grabs Karof... Dave's surprisingly warm hand and pulls as hard as he can, which is actually too much, making him slip backwards and fall flat on his back Dave following him, but reacting in enough time to actually put his hands on the ground before crushing Kurt.

"Ohmigod ohgod Kurt are you OK?" he says without moving.

"I'm fine, I didn't hit my head or anything... I think..."

"Let me see..." Dave checks the back of Kurt's head without moving to much, "I don't see any blood."

"It doesn't hurt."

"So you're OK."

"I'm OK."

"Good." Dave stands up, then helps Kurt up. "I think I just sobered up."

"Me too."

There's silence for a second, and then Dave puts an arm on Kurt's back. Then the other arm. "You got your coat wet," he whispers. "It'll dry," Kurt replies, ignoring all the expensive clothing alarms ringing inside his head. Dave takes Kurt s hands and puts them inside his jacket's pockets, then slides his arms around him again. He's so warm, it's ridiculous, considering the fact that it was snowing earlier the same day.

Dave rests his forehead on Kurt's and they stay in silence, looking at each other. "Merry Christmas," Kurt mumbles, and Dave laughs, then moves his head away and gives Kurt a tight hug. He still smells good. Like new books.

"I'm glad you're here," he says.

* * *

They call Finn, who picks them up after about 40 minutes of waiting. He asks how it was, but Dave falls asleep almost immediately after getting in the car, and Kurt says they just talked about High School stuff. Finn finds it hard to believe but Kurt replies that he finds the fact that not all eggs are baby chicks hard to believe.

"Then what's the difference! When you explain that to me, I'll believe it!"

They drop Dave at his place and make sure he can walk to the front door. He says he's fine while shivering, but it seems like he can manage walking all the way to his room. He takes a few steps and turns around.

"Call me, alright?"

"Sure!" Kurt replies.

Finn starts the car again and Jos Feliciano's _Feliz Navidad_ starts playing on the radio.

"So, are you dating Karofsky or something?"

"That's a stupid question and I am not even going to dignify it with an answer."

"Well, why you gotta call him?"

"I don't _have_ to call him, _Mom_, he's just being friendly. He's alone with his parents and he gets bored because he doesn't have that many friends here, that's all."

"Now that's not hard to believe."

"Will you stop it, Finn. You weren't that different from him before Glee Club, you know. And, need I remind you that you had plenty of chances to make it right? I'm just giving him another chance, and so far, he's been good."

Finn sighs loudly while taking a turn and stays silent for a minute until the chorus comes back on.

"So... why did he have a change of heart?"

"I can't really say, Finn, I'm sorry... I bumped into him during summer and we just talked for hours. He apologized several times. Sincerely. I don't know, maybe I feel like he's my pet project or something, I'm not sure and I'm drunk. I just... we can talk for a really long time without him finding me annoying, which is more than I could say about Puck... so... I don't know. He's nice. You should talk to him when I call him, I think it'd be good for him." Kurt starts blinking really slow, it's almost hypnotizing.

"How is me talking to him going to be any good for him?" Finn laughs.

"I think..." Kurt yawns, "I think maybe... he misses belonging to a group... like back in school..." Kurt's taking longer and longer to string words together, "you're kind of like that, so you could like... help each other... or something... what?"

"I didn't say anything, Kurt."

"I think I just... fell asleep."

"It's OK, we're almost there."

"Alright... but you got it, right...?"

"Got what?"

"Mmnnh... Karofsky..."

"Yeah, I guess so. I don't really understand what you meant by me being kind of like Karofsky, but I think you just got your words confused."

"No, I mean..."

"Yeah?"

Silence.

"Kurt?"

"Oh, what?"

"You fell asleep."

Kurt nods and smiles a little, "Mhhm... we'll talk later... hmkay?"

"Sure."

* * *

Before he can think about it, it's already time to pack things and leave. Kurt suddenly doesn't feel like leaving anymore, unlike last time, his father's house actually felt like home, and not the other way around. He wants to just walk down the stairs and play with Harry and hug his Dad and Finn and Carole and even Rachel. He wishes it could be Christmas forever, basically. But he knows that's not how it works, it's just wishful thinking. Still, he fantasizes about it all, his family, fancy dinners, movie marathons, night out with a friend. You know, like Dave. It'd be nice to have Dave around all year, probably.

Just as he thinks that, Kurt remembers that he was supposed to call Dave but he never did. He quickly takes his phone and types '_DA_', but no sign of his number. He was sure he had Dave's number, he remembers typing it. He tries typing '_K_' and the first result is "Karofsky".

"Hi," he answers the phone like he's happy to hear him.

"Oh Gosh, Dave, I'm so sorry that I never called you, I completely forgot."

"It's alright, you called now," he chuckles.

"Yes, but Dave, I'm leaving now..." Kurt tries to emphasize how sorry he is by sounding like a grown baby.

"I know, I, um... I'm outside your house."

"You're what?"

"I'm outside, I wanted to talk to you before you left so I came about half an hour ago, but I couldn't, um... I couldn't... ring the doorbell," he laughs nervously, "so I've been standing here and um, you know what, could you come out for a bit?"

"Yeah, sure, hang on a second." Kurt puts his coat on and rushes downstairs, the phone still on his right ear. He opens the front door and realizes that could look a bit weird, so he turns around and sees Burt looking at him from the couch. "I'll be back in a minute."

"What? Where are you going?"

"Just outside, there's a friend who wants to say goodbye."

"Pretty much," Dave says over the phone.

"Well, don't take long, you don't have much time left."

"I know, I know, Dad."

He runs out, expecting to find Dave just outside, but he can't see him.

"Where are you?"

"To your left."

Kurt looks down the corner and sees Dave leaning on his car, he's wearing a leather corduroy winter hat. Kurt runs, no, he sort of struts over to where Dave is and hangs up. He stops right in front of him and asks, "is that thing on your head from a real animal?"

"I have no clue, actually," Dave laughs.

There's a moment of awkward silence before Kurt finally speaks. "So, what did you want to tell me?"

"Yeah... about that..." Dave's eyes suddenly look to the ground and his tone gets really serious. "I, um, I just... I just wanted to see you. That's all."

"Oh..." Kurt nods, "well, I'm here," he smiles, and he sees that Dave goes from looking at the ground and mumbling his words to grinning and rolling his eyes.

"I... I really liked seeing you the other night. Like... God, help me out here, OK?"

"I liked it, too, Dave," Kurt suddenly seems to be unable to stop smiling.

"Yeah, well... I-I don't want you to get the wrong idea... I mean, that came out wrong. What I'm trying to say is, it's fine that you're leaving but... I mean, I..."

"I wish I didn't have to leave, either, Dave."

Dave chuckles and looks at the ground again. "Yeah... but..." he hesitates before reaching out and slowly grabbing Kurt's freezing hand. His aren't cold. Again. "We're cool, right?" he almost mumbles, rubbing his thumb on Kurt's palm.

"Yeah," Kurt whispers.

Dave entwines his fingers with Kurt's and looks up at him, smiling. Kurt takes a deep breath before pulling him closer and giving him a tight hug. Dave runs his hands across Kurt's back, as if he were cold. Kurt just holds on. He squeezes tight one last time and says, "I have to go now."

He moves his head to give Dave a peck on the cheek but Dave pulls away a little faster and he ends up kissing the corner of Dave's mouth awkwardly, Dave stops abruptly and they stare at each other's eyes for a second, before breaking the hug. It's better that way, Kurt thinks.

Karofsky walks around his car and waves at Kurt before getting in.

Kurt goes back inside his father's house, finishes packing and finally returns home.


End file.
